Style Invitational Week 1256: Picture this — a caption contest Plus: Har drugs — winning names for new ‘medications’ Plus: Har drugs — winning names for new ‘medications’ (By Bob Staake for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Entertainment November 30 Follow @PatMyersTWP // (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning new names for medications) Regular members of the Loser Community, you know the drill. New readers, meet the drill. Drill, meet the new readers. *This week: Provide a funny caption for any of the cartoons above,* created as always by Our Own (once a week, anyway) Bob Staake. It can be either a description or a quote of the character(s) in the picture. You may submit up to a total of 25 entries among the four pictures; begin /each/ entry “Picture A:” (or whichever letter), followed by the entry /on the same line /as that heading. (This will let the Empress sort the captions by picture, making her /much/ more likely to be in a good mood when judging. You don’t want her to be sulky when she’s reading your hilarious humor, do you?) Submit entries at this website: *wapo.st/enter-invite-1256* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives abrand-new ball cap and koozie, or drink can holder, promoting an industrial ceiling fan company called Big Ass Fans. So you’ll have your New Year’s Eve party wear all ready to go. Donated by Big Loser Dave Prevar. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 11; results published Dec. 31 (online Dec. 28). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline “Har Drugs” was submitted by both Chris Doyle and Jesse Frankovich; Jesse also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. A cap for a caption: The fan company's logo swag. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post) *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Check it out at wapo.st/conv1256 . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *HAR DRUGS: REPORT FROM WEEK 1252* **In *Week 1252 *we asked you to name a new medication or treatment and describe its use. The vast majority of the entries were wordplays on brand names of existing drugs; many of you touted that new bladder treatment, Niagra. 4th place: *Prozacne:* The good news is, you’ll be happier . . . (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) 3rd place: *Middle digitalis:* Generic stress reliever; branded version marketed as Epineph-u. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) 2nd place and the Shells Playing Poker sculpture : *Melodramamine: *Relieves over-emotion sickness. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) And the winner of the Lose Cannon: *Mar-a-Lax:* A tool softener. (William Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.) Pharma C’s: Honorable mentions *Head and Armpits and Crotches shampoo:* Because who has hair on their shoulders? (Larry Flynn, Greenbelt, Md.) *OKpectate: *For just regular people. (Bruce Carlson, Alexandria, Va.) *Kaopuketate:* For when it’s coming out of both ends. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.) *Meta-metamucil: *Alleviates constipation brought on by the fear of constipation. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) *Nogaine: *Placebo for sports injuries. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.) *Thotzenprerz: *A generic drug used to treat gunshot wounds. (Jeff Siperly, Hyattsville, Md., a First Offender) *Chillaxin:* Be cool. Be regular. (Frank Mann, Washington) *Been-a-Drill:* Brings your heart rate down after a false alarm. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) *Pepto-Dismal:* It’s brown. (Danielle Nowlin) *Celebrexit:* Say “cheerio!” to pain (note: side effects include withdrawal). (Rivka Liss-Levinson, Washington) *Diagra: *For when you want to go out with a bang. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) *Dramaquine:* Provides deep sleep for even your most theatrical carpool companion, so you’ll never again have to hear, “Fasten your seat belts — it’s going to be a bumpy night!” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) *Escortisone: *Relieves certain forms of swelling. (Kevin Dopart) *Flipitor:* How to relieve your congressional headache in 2018. (Danielle Nowlin) *Foxycodone: *It makes you more attractive, but only if your partner takes it. (Contains alcohol.) (Frank Mann) *Halls of Montezuma: *Cough drops that also treat traveler’s diarrhea. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) *Lambien:* Sleep aid for those too young to count sheep. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) *N.Y.quil: * Blocks out city noise, because “hey, I’m sleepin’ here!” (Steve McClemons, Arlington, Va.) *Tiagra: *What Dilbert takes to make his necktie do that. (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis) *Vitamin B4:* Treats the aftereffects of time travel. (Dudley Thompson) *Blind Truss:* Puts control of the family jewels outside of one’s hands. (Kevin Dopart) *Cannabris: *Smoke this before you have to go to watch a circumcision and then eat from a platter of cold cuts. (Neal Starkman, Seattle) *Deep Ends: *Extra-large, extra-absorbent. (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.) *Disrobetussin:* “Mr. Cosby, what did you say this medicine is called?” (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.) *All-Leave:* Post-holiday pill to restore sanity. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.; Roy Ashley, Washington) *Allbutteroll:* For instant weight gain. (Rob Cohen, Potomac) *Auntacid:* Helps neutralize effects of unsolicited family advice. (Beverley Sharp) *Etceterin: *For all the things your other meds don’t cure. (Rob Cohen; Steve McClemons) *Klepto-Bismol:* Something you just have to take. (David Friedman, Los Angeles) *Amigo Acid: *Taking a trip’s so much nicer with a friend. (Harold Mantle, Walnut Creek, Calif.) *Probionics:* Gives you abs of steel — really! (Beverley Sharp) *Regina salve:* Don’t pass on this Hail Mary solution for hopeless rashes. (Kevin Dopart) *Zipperex:* Ointment in the fly. (Dudley Thompson) *Warfarin:* For use if polling numbers do not recover by the final weeks of reelection bid. (Bret Koplow, Bethesda, Md., a First Offender) *Stylenol PM:* Extra-strength formula for slogging through thousands of lame contest entries. — The Empress (Jesse Frankovich) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Dec. 4: our contest for new terms that include the letter block S-A-N-T, in any order. See wapo.st/invite1255 .*